Bleach: Realm of the Broken Blade

A forum-based original AU Bleach RP.


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» Tsubine's Code Testing
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptyWed Jan 10, 2018 1:33 am by Tsubine

» Rumors and Alternative Facts [Private]
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptyWed Apr 19, 2017 7:58 pm by Snopy

» Ryuunosuke Asakawa [WIP]
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptySat Apr 15, 2017 8:40 am by Tsubine

» Maaya the Negotiator [Closed]
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptySat Mar 04, 2017 8:29 am by Tsubine

» Promise of a Good Time
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptyTue Feb 28, 2017 6:45 pm by Serenity

» Training Day [Private]
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptyTue Feb 28, 2017 6:22 pm by Serenity

» Gotei 13 Hierarchy
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptySun Feb 26, 2017 6:40 am by Tsubine

» His Time in the Sunlight [Private]
Critique Time: Part Deux EmptySat Feb 25, 2017 9:42 pm by Serenity

» Snopy's Template's V9001
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Our users have posted a total of 2339 messages in 271 subjects

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The newest registered user is Zampakto

    Critique Time: Part Deux

    Better Red than Dead

    Posts : 709
    Join date : 2015-02-12
    Age : 25

    Critique Time: Part Deux Empty Critique Time: Part Deux

    Post by Tsubine on Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:32 pm

    Since Serenity put one up, I might as well too. I'm really bad at wording things like this, so it's shorter. It's just a critique thing, and to copy her wording:
    You all have read through my apps and have role played with me in some way. Because of this, I would like people to give me some advice to advance my writing. [...] I would like advice on how I could make my characters seem more interesting, fun, and real. I would like some advice on how to make plots more dramatic and fun for those who are role playing with me.

    Same rules, only if you've RPed with me or have read more than one of my threads. One thing I will say differently though is that I would like some grammar critique, but if it's just spelling differences like gray vs. grey, don't bother. Again, be kind with your words and all that jazz. And if you don't have anything to say, don't post in here. Don't want this cluttered with 'I have nothing to add' and whatnot.

    A few things I will note that I am trying to work on and have acknowledged:

    • Thinking outside of the box—I have a hard time thinking out of regular norms, and have acknowledged this fact
    • Spreading out plots—I know I focused a lot on RPing with Serenity for a while, but that was because she was the only one showing interest in my characters or plots. Now that this is slowly changing, this too should change.
    • RP timetable—Although not nearly as bad as I used to be, I know I have kept threads stalled for long periods of time. This is usually brought about by sudden fluctuations in my drive to write.

    Posts : 988
    Join date : 2015-02-12
    Age : 26
    Location : California

    Critique Time: Part Deux Empty Re: Critique Time: Part Deux

    Post by Serenity on Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:51 pm

    Your grammar is pretty much perfect. It is EXTREMELY RARE that I find you spelling something wrong or punctuating something wrong. And when it happens, it's so damn minor that it's obviously a quick finger flip or something like that.

    As for the things you're working on...

    • Thinking outside the box: You're doing a lot better with this. I no longer feel like I'm coming up with the ideas for 95% of our thread content. I can't really critique you on this because it's something you really do have to learn on your own. I can only give ideas, such as taking things from other anime, movies, etc... or even listening to the lyrics of a song. Think of the most simple things in every day life and ideas can start to flow.
    • Spreading out plots: I have one thing to say... Good
    • RP Timetable: Uh... This isn't entirely your fault. I often stop posting as well, but my reasons for it all very different. (See my thread for this explanation) But don't think this is just on you, it's something we all have to work on.

    As for anything else I would notice with your writing, plots, characters, etc...

    Flexibility... Certain characters aren't supposed to be flexible (Reaper/Mikhail being examples of this), but there always has to be a limit. There have been times where it feels like one of my characters are just hitting their head against a brick wall over and over again, so they end up damaged in some way. Characters that are meant to undergo some sort of "change", such as maturing or chipping the ice off of their heart, need to actually show it. You can say that character A is getting to character B, but if it's not shown toward Character A, they might just give up on Character B... Does that make sense? Lol. Being too set in their ways can make interactions almost painful.

    Recently, you've actually expanded quite a bit on your character type, so I can't even fault you there anymore. There was a time that complicated/calm characters with a stick of some sort up their ass was pretty much the norm. Now, you've expanded Tsubine into a female, brought about Olivia, and created the gentle Setsuna... Quite impressed actually.

    One other thing, which isn't just to you, but to everyone on site...

    Open Threads... Join them. Use these as challenges for your characters. Put them in situations that they may not be able to handle. People are not always stuck in situations they understand and can deal with. This is actually something I feel everyone, including myself, needs to work on. Stop trying to figure out what character "works" in what situation and just throw one in. Sure, don't send a powerless human to a boss fight; that's just stupid, but trying to make your character work with things within a thread is boring. The best things come out of "random" plots and "odd" interactions.

    Addition: A hook. One of the things I feel you do actually have a problem with is creating a hook for the thread. You need to realize that when you have plans for a thread, the person you are role playing with doesn't know what your plans are. They're following your characters lead. If you're not creating a reason for the other character to be interested in some way, the thread can become boring and be hard to reply to. Even if what is supposed to happen is hilarious, fun, or romantic as hell, if the lead up only caters to your character, the other person that the thread involves will probably not be very interested by the time it's happened. People need to remember that role play is supposed to be entertaining. A movie, game, or book doesn't keep the audiences interested if there aren't any hooks in the story to do so.

      Current date/time is Tue Apr 23, 2019 5:29 am