Bleach: Realm of the Broken Blade

A forum-based original AU Bleach RP.

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    Critique Me!

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    Silim

    Posts : 45
    Join date : 2015-02-20

    Critique Me!

    Post by Silim on Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:13 pm

    Inspired by Serenity doing it first... I'd like you all to critique my style of roleplaying, writing in general, my character creation habits, my characters themselves - pretty much everything that has to do with Broken Blade of Auroran Era.

    Furthermore, something has been bugging me recently that I want to ask about with this thread as well. And I fully understand if you either don't want to answer this, or send me a PM instead of writing it into the thread. The question is: How do you see me, as a person? On a scale of casual acquaintance to close friend, where do I actually stand with you guys individually? Are there things about my habits that you dislike and want me to stop doing?

    The second question stems from a slightly odd source... Over the last few weeks, I feel as if less and less things actually connect me to you guys, and I hate that feeling.
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    Serenity

    Posts : 988
    Join date : 2015-02-12
    Age : 25
    Location : California

    Re: Critique Me!

    Post by Serenity on Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:34 pm

    First: The Critique... I enjoy RPing with you, but here are a couple things I feel need to be addressed:


    • Consistent color-dialogue would be nice. If I remember right, there are times that you'll use it and then stop. I prefer it if it's used so I can go back to it as a reference instead of having to skim through every paragraph.
    • Separate your paragraphs. A wall of text is hard to read; it's nice if there is a break in the paragraph so people can sort of "rest" there eyes. It's easier to get lost when it's just continuous text and re-reading the same line three times is frustrating.
    • There is a certain theme within your characters that I do like, but it can some times be overwhelming if that's ALL that is happening. Toja is adorable and fun to RP with, but he's constantly sort of... well, tragic. Make sure every one of your characters has SOME way of allowing someone else to get to their heart in a good way. People here get really into their character's emotions, so if their character is constantly feeling worried, anxious, or annoyed by your character, the person BEHIND the computer will also feel that. That's not good.


    I've wanted to RP with John, but haven't had a chance and I believe his personality was a little overwhelming, so I've been hesitant. You need to remember to consider the other person reading the posts and replying with the mindset of their character. This is crucial.

    Second: You as a person...

    You. Are. Stubborn. As. Fuck.

    I know for a fact that every single person on this site is stubborn in some way, but I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever gotten so frustrated to the point of anger with someone, until you. The difference between you and others though, is that you often use words that make it feel like the other person is being attacked. It's like there is no "friendly" conversation when a debate is going on. It's a word battle until someone gets so pissed off that they are ready to go off. The moment you make someone feel like they're being attacked, that's it. So it'd be best of words were chosen a bit more carefully.

    Answer: You still live; You're a close friend.
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    Tsubine
    Better Red than Dead

    Posts : 708
    Join date : 2015-02-12
    Age : 23

    Re: Critique Me!

    Post by Tsubine on Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:10 pm

    RP-wise:

    The biggest thing I can point out when it comes to you and RP that's off-putting is that your characters seem to come in one of two flavors: ham or angst-balls (with the occasional psycho sprinkles). For ham: you almost do it too well. For example: as Serenity said, John is a very overwhelming character. It makes me want to avoid him at all costs, because I don't think any of my characters would stand near him for more than a minute or two. As for angsty characters: it seems that you focus too much on the angst. Giving characters mental anguish is fun, don't get me wrong. But to me, that seems to be the only focus for your characters with mental anguish. And it's almost flaunted too hard, so I (or any of my characters) just see 'Oh, woe be me!' when it comes to them.

    My suggestion is to put the ham and the angst as secondary traits for characters rather than primary (as they seem to be now). Give them something big beyond the angst or ego. For example: Toja's hate of being called out on his physique's femininity is a secondary trait, so something else (him being a Vizard is an odd thing, it's both a primary trait and a racial trait at the same time, which is hard to categorize in my mind) might help him out.

    Person-wise:

    You're not a casual acquaintance, that much is for sure. You're definitely still a friend too. Serenity said my main complaint about you as a person better than I could, so take her advice on that.
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    Snopy

    Posts : 170
    Join date : 2015-02-12

    Re: Critique Me!

    Post by Snopy on Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:38 pm

    Alright.

    RP: Well, it's hard to say much off the top of my head without a lot of rehashing but here it goes. Your characters don't have many flavors to them. We've got Angst, depression, misery, angst, depression, misery, with the one oddball who is all determination. Not all characters who have problems outwardly express themselves in those ways. You like having serious problems (I can't think of a better word for it) and tragedy with your characters, yet not all characters who have tragedy and problems go around spewing Angst out the ass. I know you have exceptions, but they are few enough that I can still state this here. Posting-wise, besides your inconsistent paragraph separation (sometimes you separate them into tiny paragraphs, sometimes they become textzilla) I can't think of anything specific off the top of my head.

    As a Person: Welp, here comes the rehash. You are a close friend, but you are one of the rare friends I cannot, I repeat CANNOT get into an argument with (a trait shared with someone you don't want to share it with that I know in real life). I can get into arguments with Serenity, and except for the occasional bad one, it's fairly civil. I get into them...well with Tsubine it's hard to ever say it evolves past simple discussion. Dai, I don't really talk to him enough to argue often. You, if you start to have a varying opinion, I shut my mouth and go play League or Persona 4 or something. Lighter matters of opinions aren't usually a big deal, but when you really start to disagree with someone I can hardly call it a discussion. Your wording is very aggressive, and defensive. It feels like you start to violently attack my viewpoint (in such a way that it feels like an attack on me) while simultaneously defending yours so zealously it's as if you think it is the only possibly valid answer. I love talking to you, but once our opinions differ I am more busy trying to prevent an argument than actually talking to you. I repeat, you are a CLOSE friend. Just talking to you can be hard at times as a result of what I have stated.
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    Silim

    Posts : 45
    Join date : 2015-02-20

    Re: Critique Me!

    Post by Silim on Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:44 pm

    I want to thank you both a lot for these posts, they mean a lot to me. I always strive to improve myself as best as I can.

    I'll openly admit that my characters all seem to be... over the top, in either a hammy or incredibly tragic way. I find it incredibly hard to properly describe and play personalities without extremes - I fear that my characters will become flat, one-note, or too much like each other. I'm trying to break the mold lately. Haseo, for example, is a very positive person who likes being around people, despite tragedy in the past. Victor is supposed to be a pleasant enough person, who stays at a distance from most people, but who is not openly hostile and doesn't belittle anyone, and is really just interested in being a good father and living life.

    Those two are, I think, better characters in the char-department than John and Toja. This is also telling of the fact that... well, both of them are OLD, as characters go. John was literally my first Bleach character ever, and I don't think I was a very good RPer back then, so he became a very flat hero fantasy guy. I'm trying to give him some life with a love of teaching others, and I might just get rid of his obnoxious confidence entirely - one can be self-assured without annoying the living shit out of everyone around himself, after all. But on the other hand, I also want him to be well... a hero, in a way. Someone who stands up to evil even if it kills him, an idolized man that you would rarely find in real life.

    Toja... was a gag character when I first made him. His entire personality was 'gets pissed at people calling him a girl' with other angry parts added for good measure. I feel that he is developing fine so far, though - rough around the edges, sometimes too blunt and too oblivious, can get irritated easily, but also VERY caring now, holds himself and his evil side back, and such. But I definitely need to make his positive sides shine through more - we've had tons of drama with him, about him, and about people surrounding him, even Toja deserves some levity in his life.

    So yeah, the massive amounts of angst and/or ham is mostly because I often lack the words to really flesh out characters otherwise, but I think I'm getting better at it, slowly.

    Person-wise:

    I thank you both again for replying to this, and I'm sorry to you both. I'm INCREDIBLY hard-headed... and also easily get angry and irrational. Combine that with sometimes not knowing the correct words to express my points, frustration, and well... I can easily hurt people without ever wanting to, and for that, I'm sorry towards everyone who I've made angry with it. I'll definitely work on controlling my anger more, and expressing myself clearly - so that I don't piss you all off. Thank you again for your time.
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    Serenity

    Posts : 988
    Join date : 2015-02-12
    Age : 25
    Location : California

    Re: Critique Me!

    Post by Serenity on Thu Mar 26, 2015 6:56 pm

    Well, I know that I'm probably not speaking just for myself when I say that I like having you around. You're fun to talk to, notice things that many people don't think of, and have put me on my toes when it comes to a lot. You make me think and I love that. You are a great friend, so even if there are times that we do argue, disagree, or even seem a little distant, remember that unless something big happens, you will always stay as my friend. I get over things pretty well and forgive without a second thought, so don't think that I think any less of you just because of one argument.

    Now, as for your feeling of characters being flat, and this can be advice toward everyone... Remember to use what other people give you to make a character worth while. You will rarely-to-never see a movie or read a book where there is a SINGLE character that makes the entire story. Their environment, friends, family, and friends all make the difference. So if a character is flat, normal, or just "not there yet" when it comes to plot and development, remember that you can use plots with other people to actually really get them going.

    People are normal and boring 90% of the time and THEN something happens to them to make them someone fun and interesting. They don't always already need that to be there.

    <3 <3

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